First, allow me to apologize for my fairly lengthy absence. My paying job felt that I should actually do some work for them in exchange for the money they lavish upon me. Between the rapidly slipping print deadlines and the fact we were running with half a crew, things were seriously hectic. On the few occasions I wasn't working late, I was either too beat or too uninspired to post anything.
That's unfortunate, because a few of the things I had meant to mention are now old news. I've got the time now, so I'm going to necro-blog a couple of items. (Lexicographers please note: If nobody has claimed coinage of this term yet, I'd like to do so now. Blogging about things that are no longer quite current may seem pointless, but it deserves its own catchy name, dammit!)
1. Congratulations to all the people who appear on InsideCRM's Top 20 CRM Blogs. I'd like to make special mention of Paul Greenberg, Denis Pombriant, Brent Leary, Chris Carfi, and John Carini—I respect their work a lot, and I know them all personally to some extent. I've spoken to about half the list at least once, and I need to get to work meeting and reading the other half. If I eat all my vitamins I might grow up to be on such a list someday.
2. Burger King is seriously pissing me off with their commercials, which shouldn't be so surprising since the entire premise is them pissing-off their customers by playing practical jokes. What sort of genius thought telling hungry American fatties (of which I am one) that their favorite fast-food burger will no longer be sold was a good idea for an ad campaign? Of course people are going to be angry and confused when you tell them the Whopper is no longer available. Cognitive dissonance will do that to them,especially when it's tied to jackassery like what you pull. It's not even a new idea: Go listen to the first verse/stanza/whatever of Run-DMC's 1980s classic You Be Illin' and you've got the same shit happening in reverse at Kentucky Fried Chicken. BK customers would act the same way if you responded to their order by saying, "Your mother is a whore, would you like fries with that?" Don't tell me your burger is off the menu; don't try to give me a Big Mac instead. Trotting out your 1970s-throwback mascot with his big head is not a suitable consolation prize for jerking me around on camera. Give me my Whopper or I will murder you. Customers are not toys, you assholes.
Now for today's lesson: It's entirely possible to get angry at an airline for being too efficient. I just flew back from North Carolina where I was visiting with my sweetie and her family. My flight (Delta 6158) pulled away from the Jetway slightly early, and we were on our way to be first in line for takeoff. This did not work out as planned, and we had to wait 10 minutes or so while other flights went ahead of us. "Not a problem," I thought, figuring that the crew was trying to right by us. Our approach to JFK was similarly delayed as the tower tried to fit the still-early arrival into the pattern, and we circled a few times. "Perfectly understandable," I mused—there are a lot of planes in the air today, and we're doing things out of sequence a bit. A smooth landing was followed by another brief delay as terminal space was cleared for us.
I was the third person off the plane, and I made my way directly to baggage claim, where I waited. And waited. No announcements were made for which carousel would host my flight's luggage, and the flight was never posted on those lovely LED signs. I asked a few workers if they knew where 6158 would unload, and they waved in the general direction of the only carousel that appeared to be working. I'm used to waiting 5 or 10 minutes for the bags to catch up with the passengers, but I was there for nearly an hour. The place was getting sort of empty, and I was getting frustrated, when I happened to glance behind a corner, back near a service access door. I noticed a handle that seemed familiar, and went to investigate. I had found my bags. Apparently, the plane had unloaded fully in the 3 minutes it took me to get to the baggage claim area, and everybody knew about this but me—the guy who practically jogged to get there first. Did I mention the lack of announcements, signage, and assistance? On the strength of their performance today, I'd like to offer up a special "Snatching Defeat" award to Delta Airlines for turning speedy service into something bad.
Venting complete, for now.
Happy Holidays to all, whatever your holidays may be. I pretty much missed Hanukkah this year; Christmas isn't my thing, though I gave and received richly and with love—that whole sweetie-and-her-family thing I mentioned; I'm pretty much ignorant of the Muslim holiday that happens this time of year; Kwanzaa seems to have lost currency lately; and Festivus ain't nothing but an ice cream. Just be good to one another, and enjoy the new year if you can.
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